When I published a piece titled The Rise of the Feminine many readers were naturally inclined to assume that feminine and women in business were synonymous terms.
That is not so. The feminine energy I write of is drawn from diverse fields ranging from consciousness, holistic healing, metaphysics and Taoism. The key learning from Taoism is that all things have both a masculine and feminine energy.
In the context of negotiating think of your feminine energy as passive, reflective, all encompassing, balanced, unrealised potential, collaborative and one with everything. Drawing from Taoist principles again there is no conflict, no struggle, no competing interests, no winners/losers, no getting ripped off, no self-serving interests, no domination to the exclusion of others, no power plays and no ego.
I have highlighted an idealistic perspective of negotiating. Whether you are male or female, and even if you are playing in the highly competitive, dog eat dog world of commerce there are simple basic shifts of ideology and practice that can transform how you negotiate and the outcomes you gain from an effective, heartfelt negotiation with a greater infusion of feminine energy.
Here are a few simple ways you can incorporate more of your feminine energy in negotiation situations:
Clarify your intention – even before you start the act of negotiating clarify your intentions. Your intention reflects your state of being. At your deepest core are you combative and competitive or is it your intention to seek mutually beneficial outcomes where both parties win and you have the foundations of an enduring, sustainable and meaningful relationship – a relationship which may be the forerunner for many such negotiations and introductions.
Listen deeply – practice the art of listening. To effectively listen to what someone says during a negotiation start with an empty and open mind. Don't be so attached to your own view that you miss what is being communicated – both said and unsaid. To truly listen is a vastly different experience than simply to hear. Practice engaging in a dialogue, not duelling monologues.
Open your mind – there is a distinction between taking a position and an interest. Positions are entrenched and can be difficult to move from. Retain some flexibility about the position you take, if indeed, you take one. Where possible define and communicate your interests. If your negotiation is truly a dialogue where you both seek to find mutually beneficial outcomes then if you share what your interests are you create the possibility for the other party to help you find a way to win. A way you may not have thought of yourself.
Leave something on the table – the expression "people buy emotionally and justify rationally" holds true. Find ways to explore mutually beneficial outcomes so that you both win. The negotiating to win approach of yesteryear is a very one-dimensional strategy to succeed in business. You don't have to play business that way. If it doesn't serve you then it doesn't serve them either.
Are your needs being met? – the feminine approach to negotiation recognises that at some level, maybe many levels, you are like me and therefore at its core is the intention that a good negotiation is one where we both have our needs met. The paradigm of thinking is that together we can grow the pie, not compete with each other for a share. The feminine perspective is drawn from a field of anything is possible.
Sustainability and growth – the cornerstone of our economic system is growth. All of our success measures incorporate growth. The key to this shift of the feminine is not a pre-occupation with growth for growth's sake but is this growth sustainable? Is this deal we are negotiating a one-off, short-term agreement or does this serve the longer-term, sustainable interests of both of us.
Intuition – practice and refine your intuition. Your intuition is a higher dimension than instinct. Intuition is a higher state of consciousness than instinct. When you make business decisions try to get to that place where you experience a sense of inter-connectedness, higher purpose, greater good, concern for fellow man, etc. Instinct is very different. It is fear based. It is your flight or fight survival reflex. Your instinct has a primary duty of care for just one person – you. So, when you say, "I made my decision based on gut instinct", know that it is very different from, "I followed my intuition".
Hopefully, you can see that the feminine energy has a role to play in helping us in business and leadership. It will help you find your flow and negotiate mutually beneficial outcomes from a heartfelt place. We spend so much of our day-to-day lives at work and changing how we work is a crucial part of how we can raise consciousness and live happier and more fulfilling lives, while making a tangible contribution for generations to come.
Dennis Roberts helps small business owner/operators start, run and grow their business from conception to exit. He is available for strategic advice, business planning, one-on-one coaching/mentoring, advisory board, interim management and facilitation. Visit www.DennisRoberts.com.au.
