Most people don’t like bad smells. Some people are intolerant to smells that are different. People would rather TWEET about someone smelly next to them than TELL them.
It may seem like an odd thing to be discussing in terms of people problems, but it is incredible how much we struggle to deliver feedback to those around us on matters of hygiene. It could be bad breath or body odour, but it is an extremely difficult thing to talk to someone about.
The biggest roadblock in giving feedback of any kind is that we tend to live our lives trying not to hurt people. Delivering the pain of embarrassment to someone is a thing to be avoided – but at what cost?
If someone has a problem with hygiene, they may well be aware of it, which would mean that addressing it by passing comment would make them feel terrible about something they are well aware of but have no control over.
The other possibility is that they have absolutely no idea at all about their offensive state and that you will be the first to make them aware. Most of us react fairly strongly to the idea that we are offending those around us with our hygiene.
While you may prefer not to be the one to deliver the news – it’s important to think about what will happen if nobody acts on the situation. Firstly, the person will continue to make a bad impression wherever he/she goes. It can be quite confusing, or humiliating for someone with a condition that creates this reaction in people.
The usual situation is that groups will begin to talk and joke about a person behind their back. This is due to the fact that most people are affected by the hygiene issue – and will find a way to expel the tension created by it. There is a better way, and if it is seen as a problem that the person needs help with – the positive approach can be achieved.
The person needs to be approached as an individual. There is a tendency to treat those with hygiene issues in a cruel and dehumanising way, but of course this creates a hurtful situation. It is much better to approach the person quietly and on a one-on-one basis.
A tactic that people employ in order to avoid embarrassing the person is to be indirect. The common way is to leave deodorants on desks or give soaps as gifts. Sometimes unsubtle hints, or the odd joke – all with a view to making someone more aware – but this usually leads to the problem being missed altogether, or more embarrassment than would otherwise be caused. It is much better to approach the problem directly and explain exactly what the effect is on the rest of the group.
It’s so important to keep in mind that you are delivering a message that will most likely hurt someone, even if it’s delivered skilfully. Try and minimise the hurt by avoiding blunt and cruel language.
Always make sure the person knows that you are doing this because you care about them and that you want to make their working experience better for them as much as the people around. This is a difficult message to deliver, and may be treated with cynicism at first, but over time the person will be thankful that someone has taken the time to explain the situation properly.
Just imagine if no one told you! And were speaking about you behind your back!
Eve Ash is producing a new comedy series for business – soon to be released sneak preview available for a few days – CUTTING EDGE COMMUNICATION SERIES – dealing with hygiene and other topical issues.
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