What a bugger of a year. But with the end in sight, I have been ordered by our editor to share my new year resolutions with you.
Here are my top 10:
1. I will be nice to entrepreneurs. I will no longer call entrepreneurs “victims”, “wimps” and “dishcloths” when they write in complaining about being pushed around by their staff. I will not tetchily tell them: “You are the boss. Act like one.” Instead I will understand why they still listen to Bob Dylan and let their adult children live at home.
2. I will not encourage drug or alcohol use even when it is the obvious best remedy for a distraught entrepreneur.
3. I will accept that one of the greatest problems facing entrepreneurs is not cashflow but bad kitchen etiquette. I will not tell business owners to go and chase bad debts instead of bothering me with their petty kitchen politics. I will vigorously discuss who should buy the fresh milk, whether the milk is low fat, no fat or too fat and who should wash the mouldy tea towels. And I will advocate “the team” and NOT suggest that all bosses rip up all kitchen rosters with their names on it and discipline the offender.
4. This one will be hard but here goes. I will embrace Gen-Ys. No longer will I slander this opinionated, aggressive, self righteous generation. When they complain that I have not seen the brilliance of their ideas, I will throw my hands in the air and proclaim them all geniuses. When they whine that I have not implemented their ideas, I will not say through clenched teeth that I would like to remain solvent.
5. I will put up with kindly gentlemen who still think we live in the 1950s. I vow to sympathetically distill advice on all female things such as whether they should open the car door for female collegues and how to avoid looking at cleavage on display at the front desk.
6. No longer will I urge bosses to clip their insufferable Gen-Y staff over the ears. Physical violence in the office should never be condemned (sic).
7. Instead of telling start-up entrepreneurs their idea isn’t working because it is stupid and they couldn’t sell paper bags to a milk bar, I will simply encourage them to go and get a day job.
8. When entrepreneurs write in, telling me how lonely, hard, difficult and isolating it is to run your own business, I will not sigh, hang my head and agree, but try and convince them that we are all happy.
9. I too will perpetrate the myth that work/life balance is achievable for entrepreneurs.
10. I will ignore all new year resolutions come 5 January.
Jacob Aldridge of Shirlaws Coaching writes: “10. I will ignore all new year resolutions come 5 January.” Am I to assume, then, that we won’t have any columns from 1 to 4 January? Thank you for your guidance this year – have a merry Christmas, win lotto, and be sure to return bigger and bitchier than ever in 2009!
Victoria Parr from Albury Wodonga Heating and Cooling writes: Thank God for Number 10! I was really going to miss you.
Peter Ellis writes: Thank you for your entertaining articles, which I read to lighten my day. Keep up the good work. Have a happy festive break.