Dear Aunty B,
We have a group of Gen-Y enviro-nazis ruling our office. I have learnt to tolerate the organic bruised fruit, working in the dark, printing on used paper, no rubbish bins or air conditioning in the name of improving the environment.
But I put my foot down at the latest purchase; organic toilet paper made from our recycled office paper!
It sounds like a great idea and I am as green as the next entrepreneur. But I am finding it harsh, abrasive and thin, which creates I would think hygiene problems! It is also expensive and has made my bottom so sore, it hurts to sit down! Plus I find that I have to use more paper to get the desired result, so to speak, which can’t be good for the environment or our plumbing!
The most hypocritical part though is that I have it on good authority the office greenies actually use the cushy, soft, white, luxurious toilet paper in their homes!
Surely an entrepreneur can enjoy a moment in the loo with his thoughts without having to think about how to carefully fold a former sales proposal between his cheeks so it doesn’t cause chronic pain!
Pain in the Butt,
Dear Pain in the Butt,
Ouch! I must admit I was reluctant to print your letter in case the greenies in my office decide to inflict a similar level of torment on me.
Look, what’s new? Many Gen-Ys are shocking hypocrites when it comes to the environment. Who is it that leaves on all the lights at home, has the longest showers and spays copious amounts of stuff from aerosol cans around the bathroom so their poor baby boomer parents have to run out into the backyard gasping for breath morning and night?
But I am afraid you cannot share the condition of your poor chaffed bottom with staff or you will literally become the butt of their jokes.
Here is what you must do. In the cupboard behind the cleaning stuff, which the Gen-Ys would never bother exploring unless they are hiding drugs, you must hide a roll of your favourite toilet paper. Then when you are feeling particularly shitty because some pimply accounts manager at some large company has just refused to pay your bills for two months, even though the bills are way overdue, you get your secret stash out and you pamper yourself!!
Alternatively you can grab your office manager by the cuff and order him or her to find another supplier of organic toilet paper that is cheaper and better quality.
Your Aunty B.